The Merrick Alzheimer's Support Group began in 1988 in Cure' of Ars Church in Merrick. The leader's name was Ellen. I, Kathy Graham, joined the group in June of 1991. My Husband's mother Gladys was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease and my husband and I sold our business and house in Lindenhurst to move with our son Tony, into her home in March of 1991. Six months after joining the group Ellen up and left one day. Cookie McAllonan from Caregiver News said if I would conduct the meetings, she would help and do everything else. That was December 1991. A few years later Cookie went on to bigger and better things with her newsletter, and Esfira Bogdanoff took Cookie's seat.

Every year dozens of faces pass through those doors, every year about 8 people die, and every year we end up with a core group of about 20 people. I have never gotten paid to do this, it is a labor of love that gives me back more than I give. The group is unique in it's size, handouts of member roster every six months and yearly calendars, a detailed minutes of the meeting written by me, an active e mail connection, reaching out to the community for information and contacts, and our newest layer - our web site.

When I first began, one of my many mentors told me that this group would be a reflection of me. Everything I have done has been focused on one goal - when someone enters that room for the first time, I want them to find exactly what I would want in their place. A warm greeting, humor, facts, feedback, and a sense of safety and family. A feeling of this is where I belong, this is what I need.

I never doubted myself, but I was surprised at how easily I adapted to all of this. I found that I learned fast, remembered names and stories, and was able to draw a room full of people into participating in the process. That turned out to be the most important part of the equation. As soon as a member started really participating and adding to the group dynamics, I knew they would get through this whole nightmare. Once they came out of their world and looked into the faces of others in trouble and pain, it was not so much my problem or your problem, but our problem.

This does not work for everyone and I long ago stopped blaming myself. I have seen spouses, sons, daughters, aunts, grandchildren, and friends, all caregivers of many ethnic and religious backgrounds, all crossing my path and each others - and we are all better for it. Senior Programs, Associations, Foundations, Doctors, Lawyers, people all over this Island know us and speak highly of us. There is nothing like us available for free, and there never will be again.

My wish for this group is that when my maker calls, that someone from the group at that time will pick up the baton and keep it going. Off course there will be changes, but I would hope the basic idea of talking and working it out together, remains. If you have been or are in this group, you understand what I am saying. If you are a caregiver looking for a place to go - this is it.
Kathy